I cockslap morals
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
