So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
