Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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