Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize