i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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