When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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