Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
