plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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