Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Randomize
