dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize