someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
