I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
