How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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