apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You brought string cheese to the strip club
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
