I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
