Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
