I think I am morally bankrupt
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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