ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
