Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
