Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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