The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
