i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
