you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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