Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize