She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
