I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
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