thus making me awesome and them whores
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
