You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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