Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
