guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
