So gin and wine won't be happening again
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
