mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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