i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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