you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
