Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
