Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
