He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Randomize
