you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
