i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
