i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Randomize
