Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
