I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
