Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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