If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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