Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
