I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
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