IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
