good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
