one two three fourrrrnication!
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
