Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
The beer is more important than you right now.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize