My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
