i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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