she is the kim kardashian of front butts
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
