i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
