she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
