if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
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