what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
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