love makes seman taste better
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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