Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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