can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
