I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I need to sanitize my soul.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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