I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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