A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
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