She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
