is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
