I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
