and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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