I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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