So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
