he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Randomize