The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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